at·el·ier
n.
A workshop or studio, especially for an artist or designer.
1. An artist’s workshop.
2. A place where artwork or handicrafts are produced by skilled workers.
3. A studio where the fine arts, including architecture, are taught.
Vie, the French word for life, is a truncation of Eau de vie, or “water of life,” one of the earliest terms for distilled spirits.
Welcome to the Liquor Studio.
I declare, Henri! Are you going to lie down on those tracks all afternoon? Next time the engineer might get a little closer, just for the hell of it. You’ll grab the oil pastels and run off like a jackelope, if you know what’s good for you.
Of course, the Superliner stops there almost every time. At least it doesn’t block traffic, like those bothersome freight trains on Press St. Those freight-hauling fools block St. Claude, moving back and forth, but never thinking to get completely out of the way until a good half hour or more is wasted. Those fine members of the Council said they would put a stop to that mischief, but I ain’t seen nothing about it since. It’s so annoying, particularly when I’m just trying to get a slice of pizza to stick in my Vespa’s hardcase and bring back for my dog to eat.
I feed him as I please, Henri. Cheers!
The Rebar Bender & Cutter, ready for more action.
Those were the carefree hippy days. Before the chase began. Before the scooter trips through the French Quarter at all hours of the day and night. The absinthe bottles. Henri tied to the tracks as the Amtrak Superliner approached. (It stopped before reaching him and reversed course, a giant blue and white killer whale, rejecting the prey for being too small.)
Those were the days when Toulouse Red looked wistfully into the distance, imagining what might be, what had been, and what was to come in days ahead. Of course she couldn’t know in advance about the furious Red Tape Assault on Henri, the twisted turns of bureaucracy, the likes of which make Kafka humdrum. During such trials, time advances like Louisiana molasses flowing uphill. (As if there were a hill in New Orleans, but I digress.)
Those were the days of infinite patience, carefully laid plans, and bigger things to come.
New Orleans City Council Chamber, December 15, 2011.
Nola.com reveals that “navigating the city’s zoning process might be the hardest part of making liquor.”
Mark zooms around the corner of the office.
The scene: Fuzzy and Kojak are standing at the rail of notorious bar in the French Quarter. The topic of absinthe comes up, giving rise to the following spirited discussion.
FUZZY
So, chief, what is this absinthe? Is it legal? Does it make you hallucinate? Where do I get some?
KOJAK
Ahh, sporto. Absinthe is a natural thing. It’s made from natural botanicals and of course alcohol.
FUZZY
But does it make you see green fairies?
KOJAK
No! Of course not! That is absolute balderdash that was put out by tea-totaling nut cases. Generally, absinthe is a high alcohol content, anise-flavored distilled spirits product derived from certain herbs, including Artemisia absinthium, or wormwood. Wormwood contains trace quantities of the substance thujone, which is alleged to have hallucinogenic or psychotropic effects. Absinthe was popular in the late 19th century and early 20th century, particularly in France, and was often portrayed as an addictive and psychotropic beverage due to the presence of the substance thujone.
FUZZY
So does it have a lot of this evil thujone stuff in it?
KOJAK
No, that is a bunch of foolishness. Today, absinthe is thujone-free.
FUZZY
What does that mean?
KOJAK
The Feds approve the use of the term “absinthe” on the label of a distilled spirits product and in related advertisements only if the product is “thujone-free” pursuant to the Food and Drug Administration’s regulation at 21 CFR 172.510. Based upon the level of detection of FDA’s prescribed method for testing for the presence of thujone, the Federal Government considers a product to be “thujone-free” if it contains less than 10 parts per million of thujone.
FUZZY
That’s not very much, is it now?
KOJAK
Most definitely not. And should the FDA set a new standard for “thujone-free,” in accordance with 27 CFR 13.51, certificates of label approval that are not in compliance with that revised standard will be revoked by operation of regulation.
FUZZY
In other words, they will be yanked like an inflamed appendix?
KOJAK
Something like that. On top of that, any artwork or graphics on the label, advertising, and point of sale materials using the term “absinthe” may not project images of hallucinogenic, psychotropic, or mind-altering effects.
FUZZY
So, we have to drink this absinthe in moderation?
KOJAK
That is correct. Drink up, carefully!
GOVERNMENT WARNING: (1) According to the Surgeon General, women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects. (2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.
Henri stood at the shore of Lake Pontchartrain with a stout deep-sea rod in his hands. The reel was letting out 6 pound line at a steady clip.
Offshore, a cormorant circled back and forth over the water. Then the bird plunged. Splashing in and out, the cormorant emerged with a large fish in his beak.
“Merci, chien sauvage,” Henri murmured to himself, as he reversed the reel and wound in the line. Pulled by an invisible hand, the bird flapped spastically as he winged to the shore. With a baleful glance at Henri, the great feathered fisherman was landed on the cement barricade of the lake.
Henri reached down and took the fish from the bird’s beak. He tossed the fish in a nearby cooler, then picked up his bird of prey, roosting it on a large leather gauntlet that covered his left hand and wrist. The cormorant flapped back at Henri a bit, but calmed down as Henri flicked excess water droplets from his wings.
He inspected the surgical tubing attached the bird’s leg, and the connection to his fishing line. Everything was in order and the bird pulsed in satisfaction.
“Now go get one for yourself,” Henri whispered, and released the bird.
